


looking back

by overyourcorpse



Series: tumblr fic [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Pining, TWs timeline hell, what is age?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-27 19:03:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18745195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overyourcorpse/pseuds/overyourcorpse
Summary: Sometimes he looks at Peter and he can’t breathe for a moment, because his uncle looks so different than Derek’s used to, aged so much more than expected.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this on [tumblr](https://tamka.tumblr.com/post/184547872099/looking-back) but tumblr is a mess and apparently it's not even showing in the tags, so I'm crossposting. Might add more later
> 
> Based on this [gifset](https://tamka.tumblr.com/post/180493557749/prettiestcaptain-peter-hale-meme-favourite)

Derek had been shocked, the first time he saw Peter after his coma. Not just because the whole alpha business that was going on, but because his uncle had looked…older. Older than he had any right to be, considering his werewolf nature.

It was confusing. Just one more thing, that made him so different from the Peter he knew before the fire, that made his uncle a whole new person.

Alpha, broken, insane, older. He wondered what he would have to add to the list in the future, but he didn’t wonder long.

Dead.

* * *

“So you’re playing adult _and_ alpha then,” Peter asks him on their way to Derek’s loft. He needs a shower and clothes, because apparently resurrection is less fun, than it sounds.

Derek furrows his eyebrows. “I _am_ an adult.”

“To the humans, maybe,” Peter scoffs, “but we both know, to a werewolf you are basically still a kid.”

“I’m not a kid!”

Peter smirks at his outburst, as if he’d won. Derek knows he fell into the trap too easily, but his uncle had always been able to bring it out of him, to get him to show emotion. He doesn’t mind the teasing; it means Peter is wholly back again.

“Anyway,” he says, “since when do you look like a dad?”

Peter falls quiet.

“Since I’ve been in a coma.” He says softly. “Since I didn’t heal.”

Derek wishes, they were young again. That he could just take Peters hand and say ‘I’m sorry’, ‘it’s gonna be alright’, ‘I love you anyway’.

He doesn’t.


	2. Chapter 2

Sometimes he looks at Peter and he can’t breathe for a moment, because his uncle looks so different than Derek’s used to, aged so much more than expected. Sometimes he feels angry at Peter about it, but then he remembers that he left…and well.

Sometimes he lays in bed at night, and wishes he hadn’t.

He remembers the one time, he had actually tried to disagree with Laura, because the thought of leaving Peter behind felt actually worse than the fact that the woman he loved didn’t love him at all. He was a fool for even asking.

Derek should’ve just stayed.

* * *

“I’m going out.”

Peter’s already half out the door, when he tells Derek he’s leaving. Derek can’t help but think that it feels like an afterthought.

“When are you back?”

He desperately hopes, it’s not weeks later this time.

“Just a few days, pup, don’t worry.”

He desperately worries.

Peter doesn’t tell him where he leaves to, as always, and Derek doesn’t ask. He just worries. Worries, he won’t see Peter ever again. Worries, he leaves for good.

It’s been going on for months, never minding whether Beacon Hills’ supernatural world was quiet at the moment or not, and Derek doesn’t know how much longer he can watch Peter leave.

They are living together in the loft, but only technically.

They are pack, but only connected by the thinnest thread imaginable.

Sometimes, when he’s alone, Derek thinks about the irony that all his wishes are about staying. He feels dumb and like the stupid teenager Peter always implies he is.

* * *

Peter is gone for a week.

* * *

His uncle comes back with a closed off expression and a scent Derek can’t read. Which isn’t much of a surprise anymore these days.

That he is actually looking at Derek is.

“Can we talk?”

The question doesn’t make his heart beat faster, doesn’t make his blood sing with hope and fear.

Peter doesn’t elaborate for a moment. Just leads them to the couch, sits down next to him after Derek carefully chooses the outer corner, and places his hand so unbearable close to Derek’s thigh, that his heart squeezes painfully with the desire to just reach out and touch.

But he waits.

“I found a pack,” Peter tells him. “They’ll take me in as soon as I need them to.”

Silence was ringing in Derek’s ears. He couldn’t believe Peter was… But wasn’t that, what he had always expected would happen? Derek had left him. So one day Peter would leave him too. It was inevitable in a way, and probably exactly what he deserves.

“You…” Derek chokes, “you want to leave?”

He thinks about all the missed chances, about all the almost-touches and every time he retreated in the last moment, because he thought– he doesn’t know what he thought. That he had time? That his feelings would destroy everything they were building? Well he destroyed it anyway.

He nearly misses the speech Peter gives him, in answer to his question.

“…and you’ve been really patient,” Peter says. “I appreciate that. But I know, you’ve been waiting for me to finally leave, so you can rest assured that the transition will take place as quickly as possible. The Wrights will…”

And Derek, Derek can’t take it anymore.

“I don’t want you to leave,” he gasps. “I never want you to leave.”

It’s his last chance, Derek realizes suddenly, and it’s the most freeing thought he had in a while. He can’t fuck this up any further than it already is and it makes him brave.

He finally takes Peter’s hand in his, like he has been dying to do, and strokes a line with his thumb.

Last chance, he reminds himself.

“The only thing,” Derek says as he slowly looks up to Peter. There are tears in his own eyes, but maybe also in Peter’s. “The only thing I really want, is for you to stay.”

He is sure about the tears now, so he adds a “forever”.


End file.
